Define "chronic" masturbator.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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