Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
