If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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