Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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