this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
