I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
