Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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