Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
