Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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