If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.