I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
this will be a night to untag.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse