Texts From Last Night

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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.

  (376): View more from

  you are insane

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  (901): Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere. (376): you are insane http://tfl.nu/nfoh
  Replies (12) Good night (3698) Bad night (979)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here

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  (303): dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here http://tfl.nu/onu8
  Replies (15) Good night (5270) Bad night (512)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!

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  (612): I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome! http://tfl.nu/jbu3
  Replies (21) Good night (5578) Bad night (595)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.

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  (304): My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within. http://tfl.nu/zogn
  Replies (10) Good night (783) Bad night (3359)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?

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  (503): Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem? http://tfl.nu/dk03
  Replies (24) Good night (830) Bad night (3221)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.

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  (407): I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test. http://tfl.nu/drd9
  Replies (17) Good night (5773) Bad night (1297)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.

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  (207): Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers. http://tfl.nu/gf42
  Replies (8) Good night (3747) Bad night (958)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.

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  (847): Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college. http://tfl.nu/wpry
  Replies (5) Good night (2049) Bad night (984)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  He's almost as awesome as vicodin.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you

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  (978): He's almost as awesome as vicodin. (513): Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you http://tfl.nu/u3r1
  Replies (8) Good night (2519) Bad night (751)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos

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  (518): Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos http://tfl.nu/5fyh
  Replies (2) Good night (2175) Bad night (881)
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  (619): View more from California

  I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.

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  (619): I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca. http://tfl.nu/7xxl
  Replies (10) Good night (1981) Bad night (1381)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.

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  (703): I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks. http://tfl.nu/40kn
  Replies (3) Good night (1656) Bad night (560)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice

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  (920): I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice http://tfl.nu/vmg8
  Replies (5) Good night (931) Bad night (659)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I care about my drink far more than her feelings

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  (507): I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink (815): I care about my drink far more than her feelings http://tfl.nu/v6if
  Replies (3) Good night (1617) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors

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  (212): Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors http://tfl.nu/gwrw
  Replies (0) Good night (436) Bad night (297)

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