God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
