Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
