I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
