he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
