Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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