Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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