Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
