Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
