my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
