i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
