If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
