Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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