Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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