It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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