i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have tasted many bathrooms
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
