you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
