i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
