He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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