k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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