According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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