I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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