Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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