i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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