I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
