I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
3 2 1 whiskey
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
