yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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