i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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