oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
