I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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