i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
