My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
