New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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