so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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