I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
