2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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