So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
