Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
