TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
