sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
