im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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