Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
