do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
