What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
