Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
