You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
