omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
