did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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