she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
