theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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