Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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