So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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