Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
