Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
