Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
