So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
