and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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