Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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