Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
